My Prayer for the United States ... Everyone Should Travel the Road

I was supposed to write this blog post yesterday but I'm glad that I waited until today.  It seems more suited for today.

Today is May 2, 2013 which also happens to be the National Day of Prayer in the United States, a day on which persons of faith are asked to seek God in prayer and meditation for the health and well being of our nation. If you do a Google search on "National Day of Prayer",  it will return headlines like:   "On National Day of Prayer, America needs prayer like never before" ; "On the National Day of Prayer, time for a revival"; and  "Utahns join in National Day of Prayer."

This morning I had a strong suspicion that while millions of us may be praying we will probably not be praying about the same thing. Whose prayer does God answer if we are not in agreement on the nature of our prayer needs.  Do we pray specific prayers like, "God fix the economy" or "God keep us safe"?  Or should we pray general prayers like "God give us guidance"?   I'm sure that there will be a mix of both uttered today.  As for me, my prayer today is for our nation's leaders, in fact for all of its citizenry,  would be that they take the time to travel the nation as I have over the past month and really discover who we are as people, then pray.   

During the month of April I traveled a large swatch of this nation via Greyhound and Trailways buses through America's big cities like: Philadelphia, PA;  Washington, DC; and Chicago, IL;  medium sized cities like Richmond,VA; Winston-Salem, NC; Des Moines; IA; and Omaha, NE; and small towns like Maple Shade, NJ,  Cookesville, TN; and Rock Island, IA-IL. 

In addition to having the opportunity of enjoying the beauty of the Blue Ridge and Smokey Mountains, this journey has reconfirmed something which I have always known about Americans, we are more alike than we are different.

 I used the term swatch intentionally because it brings to mind the  swatches of fabric, (remnants of larger pieces that were used to make garments or other creations) that are used to make quilts.  A quilt is who we really are as a nation, not a melting pot.  The United States is a patchwork of races, religions and social classes held together by the simple common threads of our humanity and the country we call home.  Sadly, sometimes we forget that.  Too often we spend so much of our time focusing on our differences in politics, religion, sexual orientation, socio-economic status and geography that we overlook the very simple truth that we are all humans. 

On a bus trip you experience humanity, at its best and worst.  While road trips by car can be equally enlightening there is nothing like a bus trip for people watching and simply listening.  As you sit quietly, trusting your driver to take you from point A to point B, you'll hear the conversations of families excited about going on vacation;  lovers telling each other how much they already miss each other; relatives asking other passengers to look out for their loved ones; and people just checking in to give someone at home their itinerary.

Even in this age of smartphones and iPads, you can't isolate yourself from those around you.  You are simply too close together.  You hear the snores, you see the struggles of those who need a little more leg room and, smell the morning breath of people next to whom you would not normally wake up :-) 


You can experience amazing kindness and civility like; the angel I met in Maple Shade who helped me pay for shipping my excess package, she was not asked, she just offered; the  gentleman in Winston Salem who helped me carry my bags through the terminal;  the guy in Asheville who looked out for me all the way to Chicago;  or the bus driver who tried to help me adjust my ticket because the route seemed to be way out of the way.

Of course, this is reality and the world is not perfect.  So you may also encounter the people who will stand by and watch you struggling with bags;  people who won't move out of the aisle even after you say, "excuse me"; people who won't assist a woman traveling with small children get a seat; people who will stare at you across an aisle as if you remind them of some hated enemy or are from another planet; and people, who when the boarding announcement is made, jump in the front of
people who have been patiently standing in line for nearly an hour. 

If you take the time to strike up conversations you will meet: the woman in the ladies room who is fixing her make-up to meet a boyfriend for the first time; the guy moving from one city to another in search of work; and the young woman traveling home so her parents can hold their 5 week old grandchild. 

This is who were are as Americans.  The race, religion, politics  and national origin of any of these people is irrelevant because their stories could be anyone's.  This is what we so often forget.

So on this National Day of Prayer, my prayer is that everyone will have the opportunity to experience the world as I have.  To travel this nation's big cities and small towns and get a deeper understanding of what's really on the hearts and minds of people.  To understand people's fears, concerns, hopes and dreams.  Then maybe our prayers will be more focused. 

For those of you familiar with the ministry of Jesus, this is exactly what it did. He traveled the road and met the sick, the hungry, the homeless and the heartbroken.  He listened to, conversed with, broke bread with and touched the hearts of the multitudes.  He ministered hope and encouragement to those he met and having compassion for them, he prayed. 

The Subtle Sound of Racism

or Prejudice That Blocks Our Blessings

When I first started writing this post I thought it would just be a recount of my recent experience with subtle racism. However, as with so many events, there is always a deeper meaning. 

Most of us recognize overt racism, sexism and homophobia when we hear it.   We hear or read words like Spic, Kike, Wop, Chink, Gook, Jap, Nigger, Half-Breed, Christ Killer, Faggot or Dike and something inside us cringes at the implied hate associated with those terms.   People of good conscience are also offended when words like Frog, Coon, Crow, Cow and Pig are used not to sing "The Farmer in the Dell" but are used as hateful terms to negate the humanity of groups of people by describing them as lesser members of the animal kingdom.  Call a woman a cow and see what I mean. And of course let's not leave out terms like "nigger lover", "Aunt Jemima", "Oreo" and "Uncle Tom" from this discussion.  These phrases, and many others like them,  are used by individuals to defame members of their own racial or ethnic group whom they believe to be traitors to their race or who are just a little too friendly with people outside their own group.   These phrases and many like them are so clearly identified as slurs and hate speech that Wikipedia has even compiled a list of them

What is not often recognized, or is simply overlooked, are the everyday conversations when a slur isn't used but the prejudice is there all the same.  These are the subtle sounds of prejudice that are so much a part of some people's lives that they don't even realize it.  Or maybe they do. 

For example, just last night I received a call from a distant cousin.  After hearing from another family member that I had contacted them asking for financial help, this cousin phoned me, and under the guise of expressing concern for me, began the first conversation that we've had in several years by saying, "I don't have any money but I'll drive up there to get you.  So why are you in Asheville anyhow around all of those White people?"  When I intentionally ignored his question, he repeated, "So why are you in Asheville anyhow around all of those White people? I have a homeboy there and he said there's nothing but rednecks there.  You should have come here to be with your family."  He again offered to come pick me up in order to keep me from going into a homeless shelter.  I declined and hung up.  He could have at least began the conversation by saying, "I'm sorry to hear that your Mom passed away."  By starting the phone call with a lead question about race, my cousin clearly indicated that the purpose of his call was not to inquire about my well being but to put his uppity cousin in place.  He was pissed off that a few years ago I had asked him to stop calling my mother, who was suffering from progressive dementia, after 11 o'clock at night asking her questions.   An action that I do not regret.

After hanging up on my cousin, I thought to myself, how many times did people call Mom and I for help and even though we were struggling we didn't tell them, " I don't have any money but…. " Oh, well. I didn't bother to tell my cousin that during the course of the day, another cousin and several of my friends of varying races had come to my aid.  Thankfully, all of them had expressed genuine concern over my situation and none of them had brought up the issue of decision to relocate from Philadelphia to Asheville.   Some of them helped with $25 to $100.  One helped arrange a job interview for me.  Others just kept me calm, encouraged and focused through the day.  I know that some of them are struggling financially too.  I pray that I can, one day pay them all back tenfold for coming to my rescue.  I can never say Thank You enough.

Last night, I wondered just how many times people like Josephine Baker, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Arthur Ashe, Venus and Serena Williams, Jackie Robinson and Condoleeza Rice had been asked, "so why do you want to associate with or live/work among all those White people?  Why don't you just stay amongst your own kind?"

I can only assume that my cousin's personal experiences growing up in Philadelphia, (Pennsylvania not Mississippi) and living in Charlotte have helped foster his prejudiced attitudes. Not everyone in my family holds these views.  Some do, but not all.  I know that I don't and I grew up in Philadelphia too and I've been to Charlotte.  I even went to college in Boston, MA during the height of the school desegregation era of the 70s  when racial tensions were high and Black college students were warned not to venture into areas like South Boston and Charlestown.  I know that there are racist people everywhere. I just don't assume that everyone is.  I can't judge my cousin, but for now this cousin will remain a distant cousin.

In fact, over the past few years I've had to distance myself from many people who were once close friends.  I'm no longer comfortable around former friends who on a weekly basis let the term "Chink" slip out; or who constantly discuss how "the Asians" have taken over all of the neighborhood stores; or how all the straight girls are afraid to go into the bathrooms at school because "those gay girls might attack them"; or who forward emails about how "the Mexicans need to learn how to speak English or leave".   I stopped trying to explain that some of those Mexicans were born here and are speaking Spanish with their parents and grandparents who weren't.  People who send emails like that don't want to hear an opposing view.  They want to know that you think just like they do.  If you tried to tell them that it's been proven that being bilingual is good for the brain, they wouldn't believe you.  But, I digress, that's a topic for another blog post.   One of my biggest pet peeves are people who refer to their friends as "my white friend" or "my black friend."   My Mom used to do that and I kept telling her that if the racial description added nothing to the conversation it was not necessary.  In the end, my Mom only referred to her friends as her friends.  In the end, it was the kindness not the color that Mom saw.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that the people with whom I currently associate are perfect and we are in lockstep agreement on all things. Far from it.  My current associates are a crazy diverse group that ranges from evangelical Christians to tattoo loving, beer drinking, fans of Zombie shows. Some of them are dog lovers, some cat lovers, some are far-right, others are far-left and some are just really, really, far away.  What they have in common is that they're real, and true to who they are and what they believe. And they like people.  They're encouraging, supportive and don't try to limit me to being some stereotype of what a 50-something year old Black woman should be. 

Shortly after speaking to my cousin I received another call.  This was a call from a person offering me a guest stay at their cabin near a lake so I could have solitude, regroup, commune with nature and hopefully get some serious writing done.  The race of this person doesn't matter to me nor does the fact that the cabin is located in an area where there are few or no minorities.  It is a very generous offer and I am seriously considering it.  I would love to spend some time in nature and do a little nature photography for my blog.  Of course, there are many practical issues to consider but I am so appreciative of this offer.  I may have a job interview in Asheville on Monday.

As bad and as humiliating as the earlier part of my day had been yesterday, I ended it not feeling sorry for myself but feeling sorry for my cousin and others like him who limit their life experiences by allowing their prejudices to shape their views.  I wonder if they ever think about what they're missing.

Images and Their Meanings

per·cep·tion  

/pərˈsepSHən/

Noun The ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses. The state of being or process of becoming aware of something in such a way.

Synonyms realization - understanding - comprehension

courtesy of Google search

We're all familiar with the saying, "a picture is worth a thousand words."  While images may  speak volumes, they do not say the same thing to every person.  For example, one person may see a commercial with a woman dressed in what the world considers to be "sexy" clothing and see that woman as strong and self confident while another viewer of the same ad will see that woman as being exploited.   Another example is that one person may see an image of a woman adorned in the color pink and think of the singer "Pink";  another person will think of the organization "Code Pink; yet another person will think of breast cancer awareness; and still another will think of the co-Founder of the Christian network TBN, Jan Crouch.  In essence, each new image that we see is perceived in the context of our personal libraries of information and experience.  So while I believe that there are some "universal truths", I also believe that, as humans, our perception of images, events and the actions of others are always subjective.  As my friend Penny once brilliantly related in a blog post, our perception of the world around us is always filtered through the lens of our personal experience. 

Since I am not a psychiatrist or sociologist, this blog post is not an attempt to write a thesis on the subject of human perception.  This blog post is simply about why I use avatars, instead of my own photo, in social media.

While my friends know why I use avatars, instead of a photo of myself on my social media profiles, I thought that I'd take a moment to share this with those of you who are reading my blog for the first time.

Here are the avatars that I have most frequently used and a very brief explanation of why I have or still do use them.

While most of my avatars are a reflection of my personal journey toward spiritual wholeness and career fulfillment, I also use my avatars to inspire my friends and those who connect with me on social media. Obviously I can not, nor do I wish to control what each individual sees or how they interpret the meaning of images.  However, it is important to me that those of you with whom I connect online, do not confuse my message with someone else's

The very first avatar that I used was the black butterfly. If you've ever heard the 70s song by the singer Deniece Williams you'll know why.

I've also used an avatar of a butterfly struggling to emerge from it's cocoon. For me that avatar represented the life passages that we all go through as we move from one stage to another. For me, the past decade was a passage of evolving from my mother's daughter to my mother's caregiver. In many respects, the daughter had to become the parent. The cocoon also represented a time of great spiritual, personal and financial struggle for me, as I gave up the security of a well paying career that identified me as "a success" in the eyes of the world, to become a full-time family caregiver, a role which I discovered, the world holds in low regard.

During most of 2012, I used the avatar of the monarch butterfly as a symbol of a woman who has now discovered her worth, not as defined by society, but defined by how God sees me and how I see myself. It also represented both the need to fly free and my personal feelings of vulnerability. Those of you who know anything about butterflies know just how fragile their wings are. There is a strange irony in the fact that almost everyone seems to appreciate the beauty of butterflies but many people fail to recognize just how critical they are to food production. Butterflies, bees & birds pollinate the food crops on which we as humans depend.  Sadly, monarch butterflies are an endangered species.  This is pretty much how I felt at times during 2012 and buying a gun or adopting or dog was not the answer.

This year I've been using the coffee drinking bumble bee as my avatar.  For me this avatar symbolizes a person who is wide awake and ready to achieve the impossible. According to the natural laws of physics, bumblebees are not supposed to be able to fly. Their bodies are too big and their wings are too small. But every day bumblebees defy the rules and fly anyhow. I guess God never told them that they couldn't. Initially, I was only going to use the bumblebee on the Twitter account which I primarily use to follow NASCAR, INDY and other forms of auto and horse racing. But the more that I thought about the fragile state of bee populations; the fact that bees defy the odds; how in the movie Transformers "Bumblebee" isn't the biggest or the strongest of the Autobots but he is Sam's friend and protector; and lastly how this little bumblebee loves coffee, I decided that this avatar really IS who I am in 2013.

My primary avatar, the pink dahlia, is almost a part of my company's business logo.  For me, the pink dahlia symbolizes the strength, beauty and vulnerability of being a woman.  Pink, to me, is also a symbol of peace and courage. 

Of course, I am still a member of the squirrel posse.  Bright eyed, bushy tailed, older, grayer, adapting to an ever changing environment  but still getting in to mischief, especially when I dare to open my mouth and speak out for the things I believe.  in general, surviving. 

photo courtesy of Animal Planet

That's why I use avatars.  My life, and yours, are about a lot more than our outer appearances.  Today,  I hope that my avatars will inspire you to defy both the odds as well as others' perception of who you are.

A New Life for An Old China Cabinet

My Mom loved collecting china, crystal and so do I.   In fact,  over the past two decades, I probably gave my Mom a gift of crystal or silver for almost every birthday and special occasion.  Of course, when you collect china and crystal you want to have a beautiful china cabinet in which to display it.  So when Mom decided in the 90s that she wanted to replace her last dining room set with a new one (pictured at right), I was thrilled to be in a financial position to go halfsies on it. That was a long time ago.


After Mom's health began to decline and it was clear that it was in both of our best interests to move and downsize, we agreed that a lot of that china and crystal had to go.  We had planned to move into a much smaller house or an apartment and most of the furniture would have to go too.   As I began making decisions about which items to let go and which to keep, I decided that anything that we were going to keep would have to be multifunctional.  We both really loved the dining room set but what do you do with a huge china closet when you're planning to dispose of most of your china?  The drawer space at the bottom of the unit was great for storing table cloths and other linens so I knew that it could also be used for clothing if need be.  However, what to do with the top display unit?  After thinking about this question for a long time i decided that I was going to try my hand at converting the top display unit into an indoor greenhouse.   It just made sense since both Mom and I also loved gardening and keeping house plants. 

As events would unfold, we never moved,  Mom would pass away and I never did get the chance to convert the china cabinet the way that I have envisioned.  And now that I will be relocating on my own, I definitely don't need a large formal dining room set.  So for the past few months I've been trying to sell the set.  While the dining table and chairs are still in very good condition, over the past year the china closet has been badly damaged and much of the interior glass and the glass in the doors has shattered.  So I've been offering to sell the table and chairs and just give the china cabinet and buffet/server to anyone willing to pick them up and with an interest in refurbishing them.  Almost no one was interested. Those who were interested in the entire set,  couldn't pick it up. And, I can not ship it.  I've had several people come to take a look at the set and tell me that either "no one is buying china cabinets anymore" or that the "set wasn't worth buying because the china cabinet was damaged".  Every time that I heard one of those latter responses my heart would break a little because they just couldn't see the potential in something for which I once had so many plans.

So today, in preparation for tomorrow's indoor yard sale,  I decided to demonstrate what I once had in mind for giving the china cabinet a new life as a place to start seedlings, over-winter patio plants and hold house plants. 

It was actually a fairly easy process.  First I removed the frames which held the glass panels in the doors of the display area.  This leaves the front of the display area open which would allow air to circulate.  Next, I completely removed the damaged middle horizontal glass shelf.  This slid out easily through the open area in the side doors.   Since the glass in the back wall of the china cabinet was damaged and could not easily be removed, I decided that it needed to be covered.  If I had more time, I would have either covered those panes with contact paper or a very light weight self adhesive tile.   However, since I'm only doing this as a demonstration, I covered the back glass with some leftover Christmas wrapping paper.  I intentionally chose the silver and gold pattern because of its reflective quality.  Also, if I had a little more time, I would run out to my local hardware store and replace the current light bulbs with plant grow lights,  line the bottom of the display unit with a lightweight self adhesive tile, and put in a  drip pan to catch water.  There you have it.  A china cabinet converted into an indoor greenhouse.

This is a traditional indoor plant display which can cost nearly a thousand dollars:
 

This is my refurbished china cabinet: 

If you are in the Philadelphia, PA / South Jersey area and would like to have this china cabinet, I am still giving it away for free with the purchase of my gardening starter kit.  You only have to be willing to pick it up and give it a little time and tender loving care

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